Director: Tom Hooper

​

Starring:
Idris Elba
Taylor Swift
Judy Dench
Ian McKellen
Rebel Wilson
James Corden
Jennifer Hudson
Jason DeRulo
(the list goes on…)

​

I’m not entirely sure what monstrosity I have just witnessed but I’m concerned I won’t ever be able to listen to the original cast recording of Cats the same way again. I’m going to give it 1 star, and it pains me because really a film made to this low standard doesn’t deserve any stars but that 1 star goes out to the supporting cast who gave brilliant dance performances, it’s a shame that for some of them this will be their big screen break, they deserve some recognition for that. If one member of the “star studded” lead cast even thinks about claiming that 1 star as their own, they can think again. 

​

Cats is renowned by thespians as being a bit of a weird musical, with not much plot to speak of and tight lycra costumes galore it’s a bit of a spectacle. That being said, I first saw it when I was about 7 years old and have loved it ever since. Based on the book of poetry, Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, by T.S Eliot, it is first and foremost a dance show with next to no storyline. Tom Hooper and his team decided to take that work of art, manipulate it to try and appeal to a wider audience by casting some of the biggest celebrities of recent years and “inventing” a new form of CGI to transform his cast into human-like cats, but it did not pay off.

​

I’m going to dive straight in and discuss the CGI. When we were shown the first production stills of the film I was hoping it was some kind of unrenderred cut that they just had to share with us because their marketing team were breathing down their necks. Turns out I was wrong and that CGI that they shared with us back in 2019 was the finished product. The finished product that has made all the facial features of the creatures completely disproportioned, some of them had “fur” on their faces, some of them didn’t. I’m sure there was a wide shot where Taylor Swifts face was just Taylor Swifts face and they’d forgotten to “catify” her.

I need to just have a vent about the feet. *deep breath* When CGI is put over an image it commonly looses all the weight in the performer/subject. When the actor places their feet on the floor (in this case on the green screened sound stage) you should be able to feel the weight of the body, as you would if it’s a live action performance. A film franchise that manages to keep the weight of the subject after the mo-cap process is applied is the Matt Reeves Ape’s trilogy and they were fully grown, heavier than human, apes. These were tiny cats and mice (oh god, don’t get me started on the mice). There was zero to no weight to these characters, when they placed their feet down they didn’t even keep stationary with the floor, like they were floating in some weird uncomfortable realm, neither on the floor or in the sky.

This is something that I notice all the time with CGI’d characters and this was easily the worst I’ve seen it. And as for the sizing, I’m not sure who measured but I’ve never seen a cat small enough to fit a wedding ring on their wrists or be able to walk down one track of a railway line.

​

We’ve all complained about Judy Denches wedding ring, the weird breakdancing twins wearing high tops, not to mention everything about Rebel Wilsons’ Jennyanydots. But really, these are things that on a film with this size budget should not slip through. Not to mention, they were in post production on this film right up until the day of the world premiere, so to say it was rushed is an understatement. They’ve since had to re-release the film with a new vfx edit, which after a bit of research turns out to be the version I watched, I’d be scared to see just how bad it was before the new edit. 

​

Actually, lets go back to Jennyanydots. I’m not a Rebel Wilson fan as it is, truth be told, but this scene when introducing Jenny made me feel all new levels of uncomfortable. Those cockroaches?? “Don’t get cocky!”….I mean, really?? The script was full of these terrible cat related puns, I’m not sure what audience that kind of humour is aimed at but it fell painfully flat with me. Jenny’s segment of the film was the hardest for me to watch.

​

Performance wise it wasn’t bad from the lesser-known cast members, Victoria (Francesca Hayward) was ok, obviously she is a phenomenal dancer and her general expressive performance wasn’t bad. I didn’t like her singing voice, she sounded like she really struggled with the higher harmonies, but as it goes in the original production Victoria doesn’t have any singing parts, so I’m willing to let this slide.

​

Jennifer Hudson didn’t do it for me, there was something almost flat about her portrayal of Grizabella the glamour cat, shame really, she’s a really interesting character. She was swamped by the ensemble cast in this rendition. I’d have liked to have seen them play a bit more freely with Grizabella’s story, out of all the cats her past is the most interesting and it would have been nice if they’d been a bit more daring with her.

​

A lot of the other big names in the cast were just painful name selling, Taylor Swift’s new character Bomberlarina was a waste of time and, I’m assuming, money. Jason Derulo ruined my favourite character, so I’m going to move swiftly on from that. I hated everything about Idris Elba’s attempt at playing Macavity, no idea why they made him so present and comical. The whole point of Macavity’s character is that you’re not supposed to ever see him and because it was Idris Elba playing the role he had one of the highest screen time counts. 

​

I’m a bit concerned Judi Dench didn’t really know where she was or what she was doing most of the time. I do not need to see a highly acclaimed 85 year old classically trained actress doing some sort of leg stretches whilst wearing a onesie and lying in a cat bed. 

​

Ian McKellen did a good job, I would assume he can relate quite heavily to Gus the Theatre Cat and luckily it didn’t require too much singing. His performance probably had the most heart out of all the characters in this insane ensemble cast.

The most enjoyable performance to watch was big screen newbie Robbie Fairchild as Munkustrap, as in the stage production this character holds the entire piece together and he did a great job. Mr Mistoffelees (Laurie Davidson) was also strong, he didn’t have a great singing voice which isn’t usually a problem for that character as he’s not supposed to sing his own song! But considering the material he was given, he did well. 

​

With a predicted loss on $70mil, making it one of the biggest box office flops of 2019, it was a train crash from the get go. I was very close to walking out of the cinema when James Corden graced the screen, I’ve never seen anything like it. It took me a long time to forgive Tom Hooper for what he did to Les Miserables, I can’t imagine I’ll be forgiving him for this any time soon.